


It's better not being a lonewolf.

by Skullsonanimals



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Child Neglect, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, My dislike for JK Rowling, Neurodiversity, Nonbinary Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Trans Character, because fuck JK Rowling and because this is my headcanon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26637442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullsonanimals/pseuds/Skullsonanimals
Summary: Okay, so I'm bad at summary's but I'd like to mention that this fic is not nearly as dark as the tags make it out to be.this fic has character growth, and some key character changes. it's happy and angsty and is mostly about, i think, making some very good friends and how they can help you grow.this fic is pretty self indulgent, full of me changing stuff I did not like about what JK Rowling did in the series.I hope that you give this fic a peek, and I really hope that you like it.Have a great day!
Kudos: 2





	It's better not being a lonewolf.

**Author's Note:**

> whooo another fic for me to update inconsistently. Sorry Y’all but be prepared for long waits between chapters, as I’ve mentioned in my other fics, my upload schedule is very dependent on my mental health. Sorry for the trouble but I hope you stick around because I am very excited for this fic.   
> This fic is pretty self indulgent, I wanted to change a few things, though some of those changes might not be directly mentioned and I might clarify in chapters when I think it deserves a clarification, but it’s safe to assume that I tried my best at dismantling most of JK’s stereotypes, but most of the dismantling only shows up when relevant to avoid the tangents I wanted to go on. Fuck JK Rowling! Also completely unnecessary info, but in my headcanon, Newt is NB, their not really mentioned at all in this but idk.   
> All right that’s enough of my rambling, I hope you enjoy this and thank you for spending your time reading this. 
> 
> Comments give me life!

I was made aware, as I walked jauntily down Diagon Alley, that my shoes might have some holes in them, a thought that was confirmed when I walked straight into a puddle, the water quickly soaking into my socks which now made little squishing sounds inside my ruined shoes.  
This was a fact that I would just have to deal with on my own, but until then I pushed that knowledge to the back of my mind and ignored it, I was very good at ignoring things that made me uncomfortable, practically a superpower at this point. 

There was a distinct swing to my step and an uneven but loudly piercing whistle from my lips, a whistle that was no doubt grating the ears of all within distance to hear, perhaps I was feeling a little petty, jealous of their warm cloaks and dry socks and of their homes, homes filled with food and more warm cloaks and dry socks and of loving arms waiting to hold them. 

I took a break from my whistling to wet my dry and cracked lips before starting anew.

I was tall for my age but I was also very skinny, not really my choice, I’d much prefer to be able to keep muscle on my bones, it would help me with so much, but no, I was skinny because the orphanage had fallen into hard times and I was not a priority there, due to my affliction. But being skinny was a bit helpful in moments like this, made it easy to weave through the busy weekend crowds, though it did make me look like I needed help when I very much did not, it tended to rouse concern from parents of wandering kids near by, but I knew how to deal with those types.  
Their concern was misplaced so either I told them what they wanted to hear, that my parents were in a store and I was just waiting for them or I shifted their concern to their own children and made my escape while they were looking away.  
if the concern was a farce and the hands that checked on me a little to hard and a little to biting, I was a very good screamer, and it was usually enough to just scream usually made them retreat in a panic and get as far away from me as possible, but if that didn’t work, well all I needed was a well aimed kick and I’d be safe to run as far as I had too. 

I didn’t really have a destination on this walk of mine, mainly just the idea of getting out, of leaving, so with no destination I just enjoyed the walk, even if my malnourished muscles put up a fight. Though it was annoying, the chafing on my scarred hip was easy to ignore due to practice, the skirt I was wearing was ill fitted but it was the biggest hand me down there was at the orphanage, the orphanage has a streak of having the girls out of there by 11 wether because of adoption or because of hogwarts and so there were only so many size options.

I ducked past a woman who was swinging her purse so violently it almost hit my empty stomach, but the manouver put me right into the path of a man who was walking by far to quickly.  
Causing neither of us enough time to avoid a collision, I was almost swept off my feet by the impact but I stubbornly heald my ground, the man instinctually grabbing my shoulders to keep himself planted to the ground as well.  
It took half a second before both of our minds made the connection, and shit, I knew this man.  
“Nicole!” said the man with a scolding tone.  
“Mr Andrews!” I said, copying his tone.  
He didn’t let go of me but I could feel his hands twitch in their hold, like he wanted to put them on his hip, a pose I’ve seen him take when particularly frustrated. 

“How come you're not at the orphanage? Has someone finally adopted your ungrateful hide?” he asked, a sneer peaking through his bushy mustache.

I scowled at him, an idea popped into my head and so I made it look like I was going to answer him but instead I pretended to sneeze, getting spit everywhere. He jerked away with a scandalized yelp and I took this opportunity to high tail it away from him. 

Weaving through people's paths, I didn’t slow until I was certain that I could no longer hear Mr Andrews, but even then I kept up a speedier pace than my normal walking pace, a pace that my muscles did not like all that much but still reluctantly tolerated.  
I looked behind me, to see if Mr Andrews would catch up in my lag. I should not have looked back in retrospect because once again I found myself colliding with a body, but this time I could not keep myself upright, due to a mix of the force of the impact and the fact that my legs were already beginning to shake and feel like overcooked noodles, they certainly did not have enough in them to keep me upright. When I fell the water on the ground soaked quickly through my pants, splashes of mud and god knows what else flinged up splashing my face and both my arse and my hands smarted from the impact.  
I growled under my breath in my increasing frustration, before tuning into the squabbling noises in front of me. The person I had bumped into was another man, but this one looked far different then Mr Andrews, though he too had a mustache it lacked Mr Andrew’s particular brand of bushiness, the man also had slash marks down his face and warm honey brown hair, and clothes that looked nearly as raggard as mine but much more well fitted and warm, and when I finally was able to figure out that those were words coming from his mouth and not just nonsense noises I noted that his voice came across far more warm then Mr Andrews. 

“Oh, my dear! Are you alright, child?” He asked me, he held a hand out waiting for me to use it to pull myself up, a much preferred measure of assistance than someone picking me up, which happens most of the time when I fall.

I wiped my hands off on my pants and used his hand to lever myself up, my legs shaking just the tiniest bit under my weight. I eyed him wearily, kindness was not something that was shown to me often and so I found it untrustworthy and often false. 

My nostrils flared, and an odd scent greeted me, one I was both familiar and unfamiliar with at the same time, I saw the man's nostrils flare slightly as well, but my train of thought was broken by Mr Andrews having finally caught up. 

“Nicole!” he yelled as he broke through the crowd around us, I turned to meet him and he charged for me, my legs were too weak to continue running with any acceptable speed and Mr Andrews was too tall to not catch me quickly.

Mr Andrews suddenly seemed to remember himself and he remembered where we were. They’re were too many eyes around to catch cruel words or cruel hands.  
So he faltered in his step and instead opted to stop right before me, hands falling from where they had been ready to snatch me up. He straightened his back, ramrod straight and cleared his throat and adjusted his business robes. 

“Nicole, you have to get back this instance.” He said through his teeth.

“No I don’t.” I said, taking a step back, trying to put some distance between me and Mr Andrews reach but unfortunately this move also put me closer to the stranger, and when I had gotten close enough to feel his warmth at my back, he placed his hands on my shoulder and I tensed under them, looking up at him with untrusting eyes. I waited to see what would happen, the man gave me a conspiratorial smile before glaring at Mr Andrews. 

“I don’t think Nicole will be going anywhere with you.” He said and Mr Andrews bristled. 

“And who are you to decide that? Nicole is an orphan and she has not been permitted to leave the orphanage.” He said.  
Despite my legs, I got ready to bolt for it but the strangers fingers curled into the fabric of my shirt and If I bolted now I would have to sacrifice my shirt and I could if I needed too but running around London without a shirt on right before fall maybe wasn’t the smartest plan, especially because being a girl, running around with nothing on would attract way more attention then I'd like and way more unsavory attention.

“I am Remus Lupin, and who, might I ask, are you?” Said the stranger causing Mr Andrews to puff with indignation.

“I’m Lincoln Andrews and did you not hear me? She must go back.” He said. 

“Yes, well, Mr Andrews, She won't be going back to the orphanage seeing as she now lives with me.” Lied Lupin, this caused me to grow nervous. Why was he lying for me, what was in it for him? Anything he could hope for is surely not something I would ever wilfully give, not to him, not to anyone, and if he thought he could take it from me without a fight then he was sorely mistaken, I could fight dirty and even with his height and weight against me I was confident in the fact that I would win, men like him are so easily taken down with a well aimed kick. 

“Is this true Nicole, has someone finally come along?” Said Mr Andrews in a sickly sweet voice, to any who were not privy to this man's nature they would think he was genuinely happy for me, but that was a barbed remark and was met with a sneer from me, pointed canine bared at the man, he blanched ever so slightly but did not let it show past the ever so slight paling of his skin.

I would be a fool to not take advantage of this however so with some reluctance I spoke.  
“Yes, he’s my pa.” I said with an equally sickly sweet voice though I couldn’t help myself to add more.  
“So guess what dip shit. I’m as free as a fucking bird.” I said, Mr Andrews reeled back with anger and Lupin's fingers clenched more of my shirt, though, curiously they did not bite into my skin at all.

“Nicole!” said Lupin with a scolding voice, I inwardly scoffed. 

I looked up at Lupin and noticed the barely their smile playing at the corner of his mouth. 

“Sorry pa.” I said playing my part. 

“Well I must be on my way, errands to run.” Said Mr Andrews, he was vibrating with anger and there was a very obvious twitch in his eye, I could practically see the steam coming out from his ears.  
He quickly turned and hurried away lest he slap me or spew something unsavory.  
At his retreating back I stuck my tongue out, and as soon as he was out of sight I wrenched myself away from Lupin, his fingers weren’t fast enough at retracting so some of the seam ripped. I fixed the way my shirt sat on me and constructing a perfectly blank face, I faced the man. 

“What do you want from me?” I asked, “because whatever it is I will not pay.” I added before he could say his part. 

“Trust me when I say I do not want anything. Though I noticed something interesting and peculiar.” he said. I folded my arms over my chest and leveled an unimpressed look at him. 

“And that is?” I asked. 

“Your smell, I’ve smelled something of the like, before.” he said. “And I think I know why no one has adopted you.” he said. And I forced down a scowl. If he was just going to taunt me then I’ll just be on my way. I turned abruptly and started walking away, though he did not let me, instead he fell into step beside me, I eyed him but did not give him the benefit of facing him as he kept speaking. 

“You’re a werewolf.” he said and it was interesting that he managed to figure that out but it’s not like I didn’t already know that. 

“And so am i.” Now that made me freeze, that was unexpected to say the least, it explained the scars on his face but usually people don’t go around telling others that they are a monster, not even to their fellow monsters. 

I faced him, done playing whatever game he was so keen to play. 

“And why should I be interested in that bit of knowledge?” I asked. 

“Well, if you were amicable to the idea, I could adopt you, for real.” he said. I eyed him suspiciously. 

“Really?” I said, “and why should I say yes, let alone trust you.” I said. 

“No one else going to come along and adopt you, once you’ve hit a certain age people don’t bother.” He said revealing the harsh truth that I already suspected.  
I thought it over, at least if he were to adopt me I wouldn’t have to deal with the orphanage any more, and if he turned out to be worse than that place then I could always run away.

I nodded a sharp nod to myself coming to my decision, an albeit unwise decision, but I didn’t have a lot going for me, and I doubt really anyone good would come and adopt me anyway, so it was go with him or stay in the orphanage until I’m 18 but that is 8 years away and I’ve already had enough of this place, so with another sharp nod I spoke. 

“Okay.” I said simply, “but if you try anything fishy I’ll tear your dick off and shove it down your throat.” I threatened, the man made a noise of surprise. I raised my eyebrows at him, daring him to scold me but he bit his tongue and instead he chose to bring up a question. 

“How old are you?” he asked, 

“10.” I said he muttered something under his breath that I could not hear but I could guess it was something along the lines of how I would know such language, his barely audible question however would go unanswered because I did not have to share my story with him if I didn’t want to and he has given me no reasons to want to. 

“I suppose I should take you to the orphanage, so you can do this all proper like.” I said,  
“otherwise it would be kidnapping.” I added.

I began walking again but this time in a new direction and Lupin followed close behind me. It made me tense that I could not see him but he seemed to be either blind to my tenseness or deliberately playing the fool which if that was the case I couldn’t tell if it endeared me to him just the tiniest bit or made me want to bite his fingers off.  
I decided not to analyze it. I would have plenty of time to analyze my stance on him later. 

20 minutes of walking passed and we came to the destination of Katherine’s home for young witches. 

I opened the gate for him and waited for him to enter before closing it. I walked by my old shed when Lupin froze. I huffed silently to myself, my face impassive as I turned to see what the deal was, Lupin was staring at the shed with a haunted look in his eyes. He gestured to it as he looked at me. 

“Is this where they keep you during the full moon?” he asked, his voice tight, I gave a brisk nod. 

“Of course, it’s safest for the others that way.” I said, 

“But it’s barely big enough for a great dane.” he said. 

“There wasn’t a lot of wood available?” I offered though it sounded more like a question even to my ears.

“Is it big enough?” He asked, and I silently huffed a breath of annoyance at his line of questioning. 

“No it isn’t. Come on.” I said impatiently, I nodded to the entrance and he shook himself from whatever mood had taken him. This time he walked ahead of me, opening the entrance and holding it open for me as I ducked in. 

“Nicole, are you back already?” asked a little girl, who was playing with two other little girls, they were playing an old grim hopscotch sort of game, it was about burning witches, the darkness of it I could admire, but it was a bit insensitive, though you won’t find me correcting them, they’re the only girls in this place that even begin to tolerate me and I never wanted to endanger that.

“Only for a little bit, Maggie.” I said to the girl who had asked. 

Maggie eyed Lupin with critical eyes, we walked past another group of girls and came to Mrs Katherines Office door. I wasn’t allowed in, but I knocked for Lupin anyway. Pushing him in front of me so he would be the first person she would see when opening the door. 

“Who is it?” called Mrs Katherine’s shrill voice.

“It’s me, Mrs Katherine.” I called back through the door, there was an audible scoff. 

“Back already, silly of me to hope that you would be gone for good.” she muttered a little too loudly.  
She opened the door and looked taken aback to see Lupin there though she quickly collected herself and looked down her perfect nose at us. 

“Who are you then? The man who brought Nicole back?” She said. 

“Yes well, but not for long, I should hope. I’d like to adopt her.” he said. 

“Adopt her?” cried Mrs Katherine, “you do know what she is?” she asked, alarmed. 

“Yes, I am well aware.” He said, Mrs Katherine eyed him with suspicion, looking him up and down and no doubt taking note of all of the things I had noticed about him. 

“Well best come in then, Nicole sit out here and don’t make so much as a peep.” she commanded. She nudged Lupin inside her office and waved me off. 

I sighed as the door slammed in my face and moved over, turning around I slid down the wall and sat, my legs thankful to have my weight off of them.  
I pulled my knee to my chest and plopped my chin down on them, I watched the girls play their games as I waited. About another 20 minutes passed before the ear closest to the door started to twitch from the sound of movement coming from inside, then the door opened and I looked up at the two adults.  
Lupin looked around before noticing where I was, he looked down at me. 

“Go get your stuff, i’d like to be rid of this fowl company soon.” He said. I nodded and got up hurrying up to our rooms, I wanted to get out of here as quickly as I could. 

I walked up the stairs and into the room I shared with Maggie and 4 other girls, Mary, Lucia, Grace and Delores.  
Only Mary and Lucia were in the room, they were sat on Mary’s bed, and as I passed them I could vaguely hear the pittering story of how there was a cute guy with a nice butt. They were only 8 and 9.  
As soon as Mary spotted me pulling my dusty duffle bag out from under my own bag she scoffed. 

“Running away again, and so soon after being caught?” she said, 

I didn’t bother sparing her a glance, “No, I got adopted.” I said.  
Going over to my drawer in our shared dresser. I grabbed what little clothes I had in there, it was a couple more shirts for varying themes, a dress shirt, a t-shirt, and a tank top. I was currently wearing my long sleeved shirt. There were a few pairs of underwear and for my pants it was a pair of tights, shorts and a skirt.

“No you didn’t, don’t lie.” Said Mary.

“What’s their name?” Asked Lucia, at that I looked over, Lucia was slightly nicer to me then Mary, though the girl certainly didn’t look it, she looked like she should be spoiled, what with her endless wardrobe, and all of her nice things and the way her hair was always smooth and shiny.  
But Lucia has only been here 2 years, after her parents were sent to azkaban for being death eaters. I suppose not knowing me for too long has made her keep some of her empathy towards me. 

“Remus Lupin.” I said. 

“Why aren’t you happy? I’d be happy.” Said Lucia, muttering the last bit more to herself. 

“Remember Lucia, Nicole is a sociopath, she doesn’t have emotions.” said Mary with a laugh like bells. I stubbornly ignored the jab from her and I simply just went about my business.  
I zipped up my duffle and swung it onto my shoulder. 

“Bye, girls.” I said, starting to walk out. 

“I hope I never see you again.” Called out Mary to which I ignored. 

I went down the stairs slowly, and when I got down I saw Maggie talking to Lupin, who was bent over to meet her eyes.

I tensed not liking the idea of the 5 year old talking to this stranger. I headed over paying keen attention to their conversation as soon as I could hear it.  
But Maggie saw me so she started to end whatever they had been talking about. Though she gave a kind, friendly smile to Lupin so he must’ve passed whatever test of hers she had been conducting.

“You better be good to her.” she whispered to him, I saddled up next to the girl and she looked up at me. 

“I want to get letters from you, and Neale, do your best to not get sent back here.” She said. 

I saluted the girl. “Aye aye.” I said dryly. 

The girl sniffed snootly before excusing herself from us, everybody here was a different breed of person, I swear on it. Though, I suppose I’m no exception. 

“Why did she call you Neale?” he asked, 

“Because that is the name I prefer.” I said

“Oh, preferred pronouns?” he asked and I looked at him sharply with surprise. 

“she/her. It’s just my middle name and because people don’t use it it has no venom or expectations attached to it” 

“Would you like it if I called you Neale?” He asked, and I thought about it before shrugging

“I don’t care.” I said, I kind of did care but it was his decision whether or not to use it and it might just help me figure out what type of person he is depending on what name he decides to call me by. 

“So, Is that everything, Neale?” asked Lupin, I nodded, hmmm so he’s gonna go that way.

“Is there anyone else you’d like to say goodbye to before we leave?” he asked. I shook my head. 

“Nope.” 

We stepped out of the rickety building and as we passed my shed I gave it a sharp kick “good riddance.” I muttered under my breath, the whole thing shook with my little strike and I wished it would just sort of topple over but sadly that was not the case. Lupin led me past the gates but we didn’t go any further before he stopped. He turned to me. 

“Alright, first things first,. Do you have a wand?” he asked. My lips curled just the tiniest bit downwards. 

“No,” I said, it was a point of bitterness for me, unless you were sent to the orphanage with a wand then you tend to not receive one, or you get a hand me down. The orphanage can not be bothered to give enough money to buy new wands for any girl who needs them and the government only supplied wands when it was needed for school, and even then it was always a reject wand and therefore not quite a match. 

I’ve been at the orphanage since I was 3, after I had been bitten, so I was the lowest priority so by the time I started showing magic all of the hand me down wands had been already given to the other girls who needed it, and since then I have not managed to procure one. 

“Well that won’t do. Since we are already near Diagon Alley, we can stop by Ollivanders before leaving.” He said,

“Wait really?” I asked, 

“Yes of course, how can I teach you if you have no wand?” he asked, and despite my weariness to this whole situation I couldn’t help but allow a slight smile to bloom on my face, I ducked my head so that my wild curls would do their best to hide my reaction but even then I could tell that Lupin could still see my smile, he looked rather accomplished, which he should be, I never smile, hell smiling hurt, my muscles un used to it.  
Maybe things won’t be as bad as I think they will be. 

Later that day I got my wand, it was a Larch wood wand, dragon heartstring core with supple flexibility. 

Remus had this house on a hill, it was a small little cottage and it was always warm inside, it was pretty isolated from the world which meant that upon the full moon no one would hear us howling.  
A little bit away from the house was another house, though this one was empty of any furniture and had scratches all along the walls and floor.  
It was a lot bigger then my shed, so a month later me and remus spent our first full moon together in the locked house and it was a surprisingly easy full moon, the easiest I’ve ever delt with, Remus says its because our wolves recognize each other as pack so being less lonely also means being less blood thirsty and less aggressive.  
I think it might just be a mixture of that but also the fact that I’m in a place where I can stand up straight when transformed.  
Within the first year of living with Remus he managed to get my weight up though I was still skinny but rather because I like to run, keep myself mobile incase of anything. But with the intake of food my height suddenly shot up even more, meaning I needed to buy new clothes. Which was fine by me. I got some of Remus’s old clothes and bought the rest from thrift shops, including my mens dress robe and then everything else I got from muggle thrift stores.

While I lived in the orphanage every single night I would have nightmares, it wasn’t really flashbacks of when I got bit because I was too young to really remember and anything that would’ve stuck with me didn’t due to my brain blocking it and my early years from my memory.  
But my mind liked to conjure events of how I got bit which left me with the nightmares, plus the nightmares that I got from people I’ve encountered throughout my life, but since moving in with Remus they have decreased a large amount, probably because after I realized Remus wasn’t going to hurt me I started to feel safe for the first time in my life. 

All this time Remus has made good on his promise of teaching me magic, he has so far taught me to my level, though by the time my hogwarts letter appeared Remus wasn’t comfortable with me going, he didn’t want me to juggle being a werewolf and juggle my classes at the same time, not like he had.  
But then 3 years later, Remus got contacted by Albus Dumbledore, who asked him to come to the school to teach defense against the dark arts. I managed to convince Remus to say yes, a decision that was a great deal selfish on my part. I really wanted to go to school, sue me.  
So suddenly Remus and I were going shopping for everything we would need to go to Hogwarts. Him sending a list to the students of what books to buy, and then buying them for himself and me, and me buying everything else I would need to go to school. 

The school required me to buy a girl uniform which meant skirts. I was not overly fond of skirts that were shorter than ankle length, made me feel like any second a burst of wind could come and flip it up, so reluctantly buying the uniform I made a plan to ask the headmaster if I could swap skirts or wear the boys uniform.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a question for y'all to either answer or for y'all just to think about.   
> Obviously Hogwarts is not very friendly towards LGBTQIA+ and not very friendly or very accessible for disabled people.   
> I have my own ideas on how the school/the wizarding world could be better, ideas that will be expressed at some point in this fic, but I am very curious on what idea's others might have on the subject.   
> So, ideas?


End file.
